It's been almost a month since my Ireland adventure and I find myself drifting back often to those amazing two weeks. It is easy enough to describe the beauty of Ireland which can be backed up by photos and videos. I can draw a picture of the kind and generous nature of the people. How no matter where you go, you are greeted with a smile and a friendly conversation.
What is harder to describe is the inner peace I found in Ireland. I know, life is different when you are on vacation, you leave behind your job, your responsibilities and all that baggage you carry around every day. So yes, you are more relaxed when on vacation. What I felt was more than just being relaxed, it was an all encompassing deep in the soul sense of peace.
Though I have traveled over the last four plus years and have had relaxing vacations. never have I felt that I belonged or that this was somewhere I could see myself living and being happy. It is so hard to describe the emotional impact Ireland had on me.
I dream about a cottage overlooking the ocean, with a peat fire burning where I can try and fulfil my dream of writing. I don't know if I would be any good but I would love to try. I realize that there is more of my life behind me than ahead of me and the clock is ticking away precious minutes and opportunities for me to live the life I now dream of.
I loved the life I had when Jack was alive and it was more than enough for me, who wouldn't be happy when you had the love of your life by your side. I had a purpose, a companion, a lover and a friend. I had it all. Then it was gone and over the past few years I have found the other me, the woman with dreams that she was more than willing to put aside for a life as a mother and wife, which was also a dream of hers.
There was something about the magic of Ireland that drew me in, that made me feel like I was where I was supposed to be. I could be free in Ireland, Don't get me wrong I love my family with all my heart but those two weeks In Ireland made me realize that I like who I am when I don't have all that stress, worry and responsibility. I could dream about the life I want to live and the things I want to accomplish.
I will go back to Ireland, and If I can find a way to buy that little stone cottage overlooking the ocean with a peat fire blazing, I will write and it doesn't matter if it is good, it only matters that I did it. How wonderful a life I would have had, not only to have been loved and to have loved as a wife and mother, but to find a new purpose and a new life.
Who knows, maybe some of the Ireland magic will work its way here and I will find my stone cottage, ocean few and blazing peat fire.