During our lifetime we become members of many groups, the gym, a book club, a cheese of the month club you name it we all have a membership to something. There is one membership that none of us really want, membership to the loss of a loved one club.
Unfortunately, I have memberships in the loss of grandparents, parent, sibling, close relative, friend and now spouse clubs Some of them such as close relative and friend I have way too many memberships.
There is one membership no one wants and that is to the loss of a child club. This is not supposed to happen, we are not supposed to bury our children. My heart aches for any parent who has to do so. I can't even fathom the depth of pain.
Someone shared with me about a loss one of his siblings experienced. It the loss of a child about a year ago. He admitted he was at a loss of what to say to comfort them. He understood that he could not even fathom the pain that they are feeling never having experienced that type of loss.
I told him there is nothing anyone can say, there are no words of comfort. That doesn't mean that comfort can't be given. I get comfort from knowing that I am fortunate enough to have so many people who care about me. I realize I am not alone, and that in itself is comforting. Comfort is handing me a tissue when I can't hold back the tears and not finding it necessary to say anything.
Comfort is realizing that I might be overwhelmed trying to do it all and checking to see where I could use help or just grabbing some tools and come over and fix things. Comfort is a hug, a gentle hand on the shoulder or just letting me know someone is there for me.
For his siblings, comfort is understanding that they will never get over the loss of their child. That there is no moving on, there is only making it through each day.
With time it may appear people are coping with loss but some days they may be just hanging on by the proverbial thread. At times it gets a little easier but the overwhelming feelings of loss can be triggered by the simplest things. A special date, a life event that their love one should be experiencing but they are not here to experience it. Seeing other parents, spouses and families living life with their loved ones.
Knowing that if they need to talk, cry or scream that you will understand. You won't try to make it better, but you listen, hold their hand or hug them when it is all over. I asked a woman who had lost her husband 10 years ago when do the tears stop. She said they never stop, she is remarried and still sheds the occasional tear for the one she lost.
We all heal our own way, whether with the love and support of family, by attending support groups or therapy, and even writing a blog. We will heal, we will not forget them, stop loving them or try to forget what a wonderful part of our lives they were.