My love I thought it would get easier with time but instead it seems to be getting harder. What was once so fresh in my memory is starting to fade and it is like I am losing you all over again.
I have your pictures everywhere so I never forget your face or your smile. The blueness of your eyes and the little streaks of gray in your hair.
Your voice is barely a whisper in my memory and there is nothing to keep it familiar. No videos, voice messages, even your phone message was recorded by someone else. I am desperately trying to hang on to the sounds that were you. The tone of your voice, your laugh, even your growl. Most of all I miss the love in your voice when you said my name or when you said "my love"
The other night I woke to the sensation of your arms around me so strong and comforting. Was it only a dream, it felt so real? How I miss your touch, your arms around me that provided a safe haven from the madness of my life. The light touch of your hand on the small of my back when you were guiding me through a crowd. Holding hands and the occasional gentle squeeze which was just another way you said I love you. I miss your sweet kisses. I still got butterflies when you were behind me and you would lift my hair so you could kiss the back of my neck or my shoulder. I miss being able to wrap my arms around you, the taste of your skin, the softness of your lips.
I miss your scent. I sniff your cologne bottles both the good and the bad ones hoping to keep your sent fresh in my mind. It just doesn't seem the same when it is not combined with your natural scent. I can't remember the smell of your skin, or your cleanly washed hair even your sweaty body after you had been working in the yard.
I have my memories which are becoming more like a silent movie playing over and over again in my mind My heart will always be filled with the love we shared even though right now it feels completely torn and shredded. I have our children to keep you alive. Each of them has traits that are so you.
Still I every day I mourn as I lose a little more of you. I desperately try to hang on to your face, your voice, your touch and your scent but it continues to fade. I wait for you in my dreams because it is there where I may hear your voice, feel your touch, smell your hair but you don't come.
My Love I will continue to wait for that one moment when I know you are still with me, until then I will leave the light on.